Thursday, March 11, 2010

Stupid Shit People Say

Oh, where to begin? We’re planning on making this a regular column of sorts – and if you’d like your own tales of dealing with stupidity/asshattery chronicled here as well, please email us! – because we can pretty much say with certainty that we’ll never run out of material. Today’s installment:

How are you doing? Are you terminal?

Seriously?? Are you terminal? You might as well just state the truth up front, that you’re a voyeur who watches nothing but reality tv shows and has a sick fascination with the bad shit that goes on in other people’s lives, and hey, seeing someone dying would be, like, way cool. Or something like that. Because I don’t know what other explanation there is for such a bizarre question.

Wow, for me that would be the biggest tragedy EVER, if I lost my rack. You must have kicked a lot of puppies in a past life or something to earn all that bad karma.

Yes, that’s exactly it. So even though I now volunteer with a Doberman rescue group, help older people with their gardens every year, and have a general saintly mien about me that’s beyond compare – it’s all to no avail. I’ll never get beyond the bad luck I’m cursed with from being Attila the Hun in a former life.

All the people I know who had breast cancer really feel that they turned out better for it.

Umm, no. No. I liked myself just fine before, thank you very much, so I don’t think the “new me,” the one with radiation fatigue, scars all over, lopsided boobs, and extreme bitterness from having to deal with the clowns at BCBS and their fraudulent practices, is going to be any better. Besides, what ever happened to just going to a day spa for self-improvement?

Anyone else care to chime in?

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